How to Beat the Social Media Comparison Trap
As a therapist, I spend a lot of time counseling my clients to cut back on their social media and screen time. The research is pretty clear on all the negative effects this technology can have on us and most of us truly do feel better, sleep better, and connect deeper when we turn off the TV, put our phones away, and take a break from social media. That said, I’m also pretty up front with my clients that (just like them) this is something I struggle to do. It’s all too easy to reach for my phone and mindlessly scroll in the minutes spent in a waiting room, during an awkward silence at a table, or even while writing a blog post on the dangers of mindlessly scrolling (hey, nobody’s perfect).
What’s jumped out at me recently is how I’ve started to feel after even just a couple of minutes of looking at the beautiful, perfectly-curated versions of other people’s lives. I can go from completely comfortable in my own skin to feeling self-conscious; loving how I’ve designed my cozy little home to completely unsatisfied and frustrated at living in a less-than-perfect space; at peace with my parenting choices to full of anxiety that I’m not giving my baby the best; happy with the clothes in my closet to feeling like I have absolutely nothing to wear. And I’m realizing I’m actually meant to feel that way – social media is designed to make me feel like I’m lacking something crucial that I can now go out and buy (a new workout plan, a pair of jeans, hair extensions, baby onesies that cost more than some of my nicest clothes; a sofa that will finally make my life complete).
It’s all too easy to compare and despair while forgetting that so much of what you’re seeing isn’t real life. We’ve all felt the effects of social media comparison – here are some tips we hope can help:
1. Remember that advertisements exist to sell you a product – you’re not just looking at images; you’re being sold a product and you won’t buy a product you don’t think you need. Ads are designed specifically to play on your insecurities; otherwise they wouldn’t sell a single thing.
2. Be an informed media consumer – keep in mind the absurd amounts of retouching and manipulation that go into getting an image ready for an advertisement. Know that the lifestyles you’re seeing are sponsored and paid for by corporations who have a lot to gain from you believing you need their product. Be aware of ‘quick-fix’ promises from people that are trying to sell you something.
3. Write a gratitude letter to your body. Instead of focusing on all the things your body isn’t, write a letter thanking your body (especially those parts you’ve been especially critical of) for all the amazing things it helps you do.
4. Be mindful of who you’re following and how they make you feel – unfollow any accounts that leave you feeling ashamed or discouraged and follow positive, empowering ones instead.
In short, anytime there’s a ‘should’ there’s the potential for shame. When our bodies or our lives don’t look like how we’re told they should, we can begin to feel less than or not enough - not good enough, thin enough, successful enough, put-together enough – the list could go on forever. We begin to feel ashamed of who we are and all the ways we don’t measure up rather than celebrating the unique beauty we all bring to the table.
The reality is, this technology isn’t going away – at least not anytime soon. You’re probably not going to completely cut-out social media from your life and that’s okay! There’s nothing inherently bad or wrong with social media and we can all enjoy a mindless scroll now and then as long as we keep it all in perspective. Use these tips to keep yourself from getting sucked into believing that you or your life is less than or incomplete and choose to find connection and inspiration rather than comparison in the images you see.
